MojoWriter.com

Well, maybe not the Titanic. But this website (actually all my websites) were moved to a new server yesterday, and this one had some major problems.

I actually had to delete the whole thing and reload it from scratch. New code, new database, new version of WordPress, everything. And the fact that – as far as I can tell – all the content is still here, effortlessly imported from backups, is a gleaming example of why WordPress rocks.

A waiter walked up to the table
Wearing a suit jacket that was far too small—
There was no way he could button it, and the
Sleeves came halfway up to his elbows
He sported a overlarge red bow tie
Black curly hair with oil in it, and
A large, obviously fake mustache
Which curled in waxed spirals at the ends.

“May I take your order, please?” he asked.

Before we could answer
A nude woman holding a pomegranate, with a
Bayoneted rifle slung over her shoulder
And flanked by two huge yellow and black tigers
Complained that she had been stung by a bee
And wanted her money back.

We sat for eleven minutes waiting
Then realized that ants were eating the silverware.

This is an excerpt from the show “Don’t Quit Your Day Job”

I am honored to be one of the guest writers / publishers at ConDFW 2008 this weekend.  Anyone showing up can find me on the following panels:

Saturday 10 am    Panel Room 2 (Rose/Magnolia)
Does Fantasy Mean Paranormal?
Hosted by Jerry J. Davis, Lillian Stewart Carl, Lee Killough and Nina Romberg.

Industry Pros discuss the difference between the genres of fantasy and paranormal fiction.  Are these just synonyms or are there real differences?    How does understanding the difference help you to get published?

Saturday 11 am    Panel Room 4 (Pecan)
Starting Your Own Publishing Company
Hosted by Jerry Davis, Glenn Yeffeth, and Thomas W. Knowles.

Sure … sure … everybody wants to be the writer.   But writers never get anything in print without the unsung hero of the industry – the publisher.    Industry pros discuss the career of publishing, what it takes to enter this field and what it takes to succeed.

Saturday 12 pm    Reading Room (Live Oak)
The author will be reading.

Saturday 1 pm        Panel Room 2 (Rose/Magnolia)
The Haunted City:  Urban Fantasy Today
Hosted by Rachel Caine, Jerry J. Davis, Carole Nelson Douglas, Brad Sinor, and Lee Killough

Industry pros discuss the urban fantasy genre.   What makes this style essential, vital, beautiful and what needs to be paved over?    And is there any room left in this haunted city?

Sunday 12 pm        Panel Room 2 (Rose/Magnolia)    
Published in the Periodicals: The Sci-Fi/Fantasy Magazine Market
Hosted by Lou Antonelli, Jerry J. Davis, Linda Donahue, Rhonda Eudaly and J.M. McDermott

Industry pros discuss the getting published in magazines.    Who is really looking?   What are the really exciting markets?   And what can you do to maximize your chances of escaping from the slush pile?

Writing for publication: you spend forever writing something that may never get published, and when it does, the money you make (if any) divided by all the time you spent writing and submitting the manuscript equals a few pennies per hour — if even that. The gratification you receive may take years. If someone does love it enough to write fan mail, it usually freaks you out. However, despite all this, the prestige points are very high.

Writing for the web: It takes less than three hours to write a good blog. It’s published instantly. You usually don’t get paid (sometimes you do, but the likelihood is minimal) but you get instant feedback over the next week or so. The gratification is instantaneous. By the next day, you’re already doing something new and equally rewarding. However, despite all this, the prestige points are so low they might even count in the negative, as the publishing world looks at blogging like it’s the contents of a rancid, slimy gutter.

Is prestige important?

Honestly?

You can’t use the argument, “Well, I write novels” (or whatever) “because I simply love writing.” Because if that is the case, you are more likely to have someone read your story if you post it online. Sending it off into the publishing thrasher … well, unless you’re already an established author (and sometimes even if you are) that manuscript may end up in the tomb of the unloved and forgotten.

So if it’s not for the prestige, why bother trying to get it into print? Why not just pop it up on a website?

I’d really like to know.

If you’re in the Dallas area this coming weekend, come watch me stutter and turn red in front of a lot of people. I’m one of the writers featured at this year’s FENCON, a Sci-Fi & Fantasy convention.

Check out all the fun stuff I’ll be doing in front of an audience:

Friday 4:00 PM, “Short Stories Got No Reason…”
I and three other writers will be giving opinions, no doubt stated as fact, about whether or not short stories are still a viable medium.

Friday 5:00 PM, “Podcasts”
How to put together podcasts for fun, profit, promotion, and self-humiliation. Interesting that I’m on this panel. I guess the fact that I’ve kludged together a couple Podcasts makes me an expert at it.

Saturday 10:00 AM, “Roswell - 60 Years of UFOs”
I have never seen a UFO, but then again, I bet no one else on the panel has either.

Saturday 7:00 PM, “Futuretech Feasibility”
Could Warp Drive be invented? Anti-gravity? Twiddle38 (Bill, aka “Aaaaaaaaaaa Puffiboomboom”) and I will be two of the guys giving the bird’s eye low-down on this bit of crystal ball gazing.

Sunday 11:00 AM “Autographs”
Yes, you read that right. You can come get my autograph. Are you excited or what?

Sunday 1:00 PM, “Face-Off: The Difference Between Male and Female Writers”
This is going to be fun. Two guy writers, two gal writers, a big vat of pudding, and NERF weapons.

So come on down! After dark you’ll no doubt see me wandering around drunk off my ass.

You know what I’ve noticed?

Getting a rejection for a story that I consider one of the best ones I’ve ever written sure puts a damper on my enthusiasm for working on a new short story. 

I go through this every time.  “Why do I bother?  I’m wasting my efforts.  I may be mildly clever but not enough to stand above the other three-billion writers vying for the same publishing space.”

Then I have to go vacuum, or wash dishes, or dance around with my iPod, and then come back to write … simply because I love the act of creating.

In the end that’s all a writer can really count on.

My novel has been completely derailed.

Forced off the tracks.

Pushed aside.

By what? A short story idea that has grabbed me and won’t leave me alone. It keeps saying, “Write me! Write ME! WRITE ME NOW!”

“But,” I tell it, “I’m a third the way through writing a novel. I need to concentrate on that.”

“Your freaking novel will still be there when you’re done with me,” it argues back. “Strike while the iron is hot! I’m short! I’m uncomplicated. And … I’m very, very fun.”

My resolve is eroding. Fun is good. Fun sounds like fun.

So, my novel has been derailed by a fun little short story. Let’s hope it really is short.

So I’m riding home from the airport on one of those shared ride busses, and I’m sitting next to a rather dapper looking fellow with a tweed suit and dark rimmed glasses. He has wild curly black hair and a distracted look on his face.

It’s been a long flight. I’m not really in the mood to talk. He doesn’t say anything, so neither do I.

An hour later we arrive at his destination, and he pays the driver with a credit card, and the driver asks, “So you’re a doctor or something?”

“Actually,” he says with a slight Russian accent, “I’m a scientist.”

I’m already kicking myself.

“What, like a nuclear scientist?” the driver asks.

“No, actually I’m a rocket scientist.”

Now I’m really kicking myself. “Darn,” I say, “I’m a science fiction writer! I should have been talking to you all this way!”

He looks at me, mouth open. “You’re a science fiction writer?” he says. “I love science fiction!”

But we’re at his hotel and he has to get off, and the driver has to drive me home. So it was a lost opportunity for both of us.

Lesson learned: Always strike up a conversation with someone you’re sitting next to, because you never know. It might be someone you’re actually interested in talking to.

Ever seen that Seinfeld episode where the Soup Nazi would scream, “No soup for you!”

Well, there were no pomegranates for me.  After a total of nine stores, one helpful produce person told me, “Oh, they’re out of season.  You won’t find any anywhere for at least a couple months.”

Great.